


Dirty Little Secret

by obviouslyelementary



Series: Reddie Stories [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, It Chapter Two, M/M, No Beta, Not Canon Compliant, Suffering, because FUCK THAT, eddie doesnt die, it chapter one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-13
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-11-02 04:44:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20626040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obviouslyelementary/pseuds/obviouslyelementary
Summary: Richie Tozier is in love with Eddie Kaspbrak since pretty much always.It takes him too long to work through his feelings.





	Dirty Little Secret

**Author's Note:**

> I have not watched Chapter Two so this is not based on the movie or books okay? okay thanks

_"I know your little secret. Your dirty little secret. And they will all know too."_

It started before they were even friends. They were around eight, going to the same school, learning about the most stupid stuff children usually learn about at that age, playing in the same little playground behind school grounds. It was a hot day, close to summer, and they were all playing around in the playground, Richie sticking around with his friends Billy and Stan, who he had known basically since he was born. They were getting dirty on the sandbox, playing with their carts and what more, throwing sand at each other and laughing out loud while the other kids played around them, paying them no mind.

They weren't friends with anyone else but themselves, and they didn't care. They liked being in that little group.

However, at that particular day, something decided to change for them. While they played, a teacher approached them holding a little boy's hand, tugging him along despite his face clearly showing he was going to cry at any second. She pushed him harshly into the sandbox next to them, and groaned.

"You will play and you will stop annoying me, petulant child" she said, before turning her back and leaving. The little boy, who looked younger than them, just sat down on the sand and began crying like they all thought he would, sobbing into his little hands while keeping his knees close to himself.

Stan, Bill and Richie exchanged a look and slowly approached him, trying to call his attention. When he shyly looked up, Billy waved, and smiled.

"Hey. Wanna play with us?"

From that moment forward, the little boy also known as Eddie Kaspbrak was part of their group, never to leave again. They soon found out that he was almost as annoying as Richie, which was fine, but that he was also constantly worried about gross stuff and was a big mommy boy, so to speak. Still, they brought him in, and for some reason Richie felt himself growing attached to him, in a way he wasn't to the other two.

After just a few weeks, he considered Eddie his best friend, but he would never tell the others, of course.

\-----------------------

Richie grew up to be an asshole, and he was painfully aware of that.

Despite of his friends not caring (and some of the times, even laughing a bit), Richie had a talent of irritating pretty much everyone with his stupid jokes and even more stupid commentary. But of course, there was no one he liked pissing off more than Eddie.

Maybe it was because Stan and Billy were used to his jokes after more than five years, or maybe it was because Eddie still got mad at him whenever he said he had fucked his mom (which was at least five times a day every day), or maybe because the face Eddie made whenever he was angry set a firework explosion of happiness inside Richie's belly. Either way, it was fun as hell to piss Eddie off, and Richie did it constantly, for as long as he could.

But sometimes, the jokes went too far, or Eddie wasn't in a good mood. And despite Richie being the bitch he was, Eddie still considered him his best friend, or so Richie hoped, because at any problem or issue Eddie would show up at his house, and walk inside in silence, requesting a hug and maybe an arcade session or reading some comics on Richie's bed.

Those moments felt weird, for Richie. He liked being the center of attention, he liked being annoying and making others laugh and hate him, but those quiet moments with Eddie tended to twist something inside his 13 year old belly. They made him feel fuzzy, like he had just drank a lot of soda at once, and very agitated, like he had eaten ten chocolate bars in one go. It was something freaky and something strange, and it got even worst when Eddie got really focused on the game or on the comic and his eyebrows joined up in a frown, his bottom lip pouting up while he focused.

And while those moments had been far and in between by that time, after the whole fucking clown thing, they seemed to happen at least once a week, and that was slowly eating Richie alive.

He had no idea what it all meant, but he was sure it couldn't be good.

\-------------------------

It was before that summer that Bowers really started with the nicknames. And it was after that summer, when Bowers was arrested and his friends were found dead that everything stopped. But behind his back, after he closed doors, whenever he would turn his back on people, he could hear it clear as day: fag, queer, fairy, and so on. And at first, those words meant nothing to him, because he knew they didn't apply to him and he had friends who would never think that stuff about him.

But slowly as he grew, as the months went on, the voices became louder, and the reason for it seemed obvious, even for him. But it wasn't until the next summer when it really hit him.

Eddie had requested a new comic session after his mother fought him all night long over some possible disease she was sure he had. Eddie, wanting to chill out and rest a little, rushed to Richie's in the first opportunity he had, and asked if he could just hang out and stay inside for a while. And Richie, of course, accepted it, placing his comic books between them and laying down on the bed next to Eddie.

At first, everything happened the same. Richie started reading, got distracted, turned to face Eddie and watched as his eyebrows furrowed and his lip pouted out in concentration. That was the same, and that alone still sent bubbles down his stomach. The problem was after that, when Richie lifted his eyes from the comic book again, where he found Eddie asleep on his bed, comic laying on his chest, going up and down at the speed of his breathing. The scene itself would be considered normal by pretty much everyone else. Eddie fell asleep over some comic books after a horrible all night long fight with his mother, and Richie, being the friend and asshole he was, would normally either let Eddie sleep and continue reading his book (which would be the friend part of his personality), or grab the nearest pillow and slam it on Eddie's face to wake him up (being the asshole part of his personality). However, what he wanted to do, what he actually did, was completely different.

Without thinking, without even noticing, his hand let go from the comic book and moved towards Eddie's face, up to his forehead, pushing away a strand of hair that was over his closed eyes. Then, his fingers brushed down the soft hair and went down Eddie's temple, before reaching the bed and stopping there. Richie's eyes were wide and focused on Eddie, not ever moving until the boy mumbled in his sleep and turned towards Richie, curling up around the comic book.

That not only made him realize what he had just done, but also sent a sick feeling down his stomach that made him sick, and a hammering in his heart that made him breathless. What the fuck... He pushed the comic book away from himself, standing up carefully and running to the bathroom, sweating cold and feeling awful all over. What was happening to him? Why did he do that, what was wrong?! He closed his eyes tight for a moment, rubbing them hard, but as he did Eddie's face came back to his mind, his soft breathing and big doe eyes, and Richie's snapped open, just in time for him to find the toilet and throw up all his breakfast contents on the bowl.

That was the first time of many that something like that would happen, but then again, that was better than keeping that god damned awful thoughts to himself.

\------------------------

Those thoughts didn't stop when they grew up into full teens. Actually, they just got worst. Richie grew up, hormones everywhere, and all the losers grew up too. Beverly was turning into the most gorgeous girl he had ever seen, and although he saw her as a sister, he was pretty sure Ben and Billy didn't, even if she didn't really give a shit about either of them. She got many boyfriends over the years in Derry, one worst than the other, and since Ben and Billy were into her and everyone knew, she turned to Richie for comfort.

They ended up with a very close relationship, but nothing enough to get Richie to admit to anyone, even to her, how he felt. It consumed him inside, burnt him to the core, and he hated himself more and more every day for it, but there was no way he would ever tell it to anyone.

But Beverly was way smarter than he thought she was.

It was summer again, when it happened. They were all eighteen now, getting ready for college, most of them wanting to get the fuck out of Derry. Richie himself had a big wish to go to Cali, try his life in LA as a comedian as he always dreamt of, while the others wanted to go to colleges all over the US, none of them really into staying in Derry but Mike. For their last summer together, however, they all decided to go to the quarry like they did years before, taking some food and a boom box, ready to swim to their hearts' content. And they did, getting to it early in the morning, putting their clothes to the side and getting into the water to play and fuck around, laughing like they were twelve again.

It was very fun, except for whenever Richie caught an unwanted glimpse of Eddie that he wasn’t quite ready for. By now, he knew what it meant, the burning in his lower stomach, the fluttering of his heart, the need to throw up... he knew what it all meant. He had heard the losers talk enough about their crushes to stop avoiding the thought all together. The problem now was knowing that it was, in fact, a crush, or some kind of love he felt for his friend, and knowing that Bowers had been right all along.

He was a fucking fag, a fairy, a queer, and that wasn't good at all.

It didn't stop him from fucking around with girls. In fact, since he found out what he truly felt, he had been more and more keen into getting down with girls just so he could cover up his real feelings and wants, to show his friends and himself that he was still the guy that would fuck everyone's mom given any chance. But it got hard, whenever they were in this playful mood, not to think about what could be if he just hadn't been born in such a shitty world.

Despite all the self hatred and the lies, he could pretend very well. He still called Eddie 'Eds' and 'cute' and made 'blow my cock' jokes around him, just like he did with everyone else. The problem was when they got quiet, and he had to just watch Eddie check for any scratches or lay down under the sun to dry, or whenever he smiled because of something the others said, and it made him feel like he could fly.

It was on one of those occasions, in that nice summer day, when Beverly finally noticed.

"Rich?"

He looked at her over his glasses, puffing off some smoke from the cigar he was using, smiling as she approached him. He handed her the stuff and she got it, only the two of them out of the water, while the others joked around.

"Nice day hun?" he said, leaning back on his hands, and she nodded, taking a drag and then putting the cigar back on his mouth. She then snuggled up to him, laying her head on his shoulder. He was finally taller than her, thank god. One of his arms went around her shoulders and she sighed.

"I wish we could stay like this forever" she mumbled, one arm wrapping around his waist, both of them watching their friends playing around. He agreed with a hum, puffing off another cloud of smoke.

"Yeah... it seems like ages since we first became friends... and now we are all growing apart" he said, looking down at her. "But I mean, that's growing up right? We gotta do it eventually."

"I agree... I just wish we had a bit more time" she sighed, sitting up and looking at him. "That's why I have to talk to you, before we grow apart and forget each other."

Richie frowned and fixed his glasses, putting the cigar out and throwing it away.

"What do you mean Bev? Is something wrong?"

"Not with me. But I know something is wrong with you."

The last thing he thought that could happen was her knowing his secret, so he just snorted and shook his head.

"Bev I swear the rumors are not true. The only drugs I'm using are the ones you provide" he said, smiling lazily at her and making Beverly chuckle before she got serious again.

"That's not what I'm talking about, Rich" she said, her tone sober, and he felt a shiver going down his spine at it. It wasn't like her at all, to use her 'mom voice' with him. She usually reserved it to the others. "I'm talking about Eddie."

The ball started to form in his throat, but he kept it calm.

"If you want to talk about Eddie, why don't you talk to Eddie? I'm not his mom you know?" Richie chuckled, shaking his head. She frowned at him.

"I know you like him."

That conversation wasn't going anywhere nice.

"Yes of course I do, he's my friend-"

"I know you love him" she said, firm now, decided. "I know how you feel about him and I know how you feel about guys. I know it Richie, you don't have to lie to me."

Well that was... unexpected.

"I have no idea what you're talking about" Richie said, his voice tight, half scared and half angry, and she sighed at him.

"No one can listen to us. The boys aren't paying attention" she said, taking his hand. "I see how you look at him, I see how you take care of him, I see how you let him be an annoying little shit and you just don't care. I know what it means Richie, I know, I've felt it before and-"

"Shut up Beverly" Richie said, this time closing off completely. His face was blank and angry, and he pulled his hand away from hers. "You don't know shit about anything."

"Richie, I just want to help."

"No, you don't, because you're completely crazy and I'm fucking done with that conversation" he said, standing up and grabbing his stuff. She stood up as well, but he pointed his finger to her. "If you're a disgusting queer, dyke that wants everyone to be like you, that's your fucking problem. I'm not a fag, and I won't stand here listening to your bullshit."

He grabbed his stuff and left, without saying goodbye to anyone, without explaining anything, and he refused to answer the door when the losers came to his house to ask what was wrong. He wouldn't admit that he cried all day long after that, he wouldn't admit that he curled up under his blankets and scratched himself all over because if Beverly could see it, who couldn’t? He wouldn't admit he fell asleep and had countless nightmares about the losers finding out, kicking him out of the group, forgetting about him, hating him, saying shit at him. And most of all, he wouldn't admit that he couldn’t stop thinking about Eddie even if he really tried, and that all his dreams after that day ended up in nightmares of Eddie hating him forever, which was pretty much his worst fear.

He was lucky Pennywise was dead now, or else he wouldn't have the courage to face him again.

\---------------------------

27 years had passed since they first defeated the god damn thing. 27 years and now, he was back to Derry like he wished he would never be, facing five of his former six friends in a restaurant table, laughing and drinking and slowly regaining the memories that he had lost along the way. It seemed impossible that he would forget something so wild like what happened, but in the end he did forget, and the others did too. But now they were remembering it, and remembering each other, and everything else that happened while they grew up.

And, unfortunately, that also meant remembering some desperate feelings about his old best friend Eddie along the way.

As an adult, in 2016 as they were, he was now way cooler about it all. He had been in some relationships now, and he had even hang around with some guys, but nothing could prepare him for the god damned butterflies that filled up his stomach whenever Eddie looked and smiled at him. He felt like a stupid teenager all over again, and just like when he was a teenager, he was pretty much unable to talk about anything sexuality related.

But sometimes some stuff slipped.

"I can't believe you married a woman" he spilled out when Eddie told them about his married life, and later on he also said something about how good Ben looked, which was also well received. His friends considered most of it as jokes, but Beverly's knowing side glances made him uncomfortable in his shoes.

"And what a-a-about you Rich? Any d-d-dating stories or jo-jokes for us?" Billy asked, over his drink, giving him a smile that was so sweet and so Billy that Richie really felt like hugging him. Fuck, he missed those assholes.

"Nah, my dating life sucks" he chuckled, shaking his head. "Of course I have the occasional fuck every now and then but I haven't been able to settle in with anyone... because fuck commitment" he snorted, and the rest of the table let out a few laughs. Then Beverly had to come on and ruin everything.

"And are you still famous for your 'fuck your mom' jokes or have you evolved to the new 'fuck your dad' trope of the kids nowadays?" she asked, casually, and the whole table let out a loud laugh, but he felt extremely uncomfortable. He wouldn't let that show, though.

"Oh yeah I mean I throw a gay joke every now and then but you know, my audience is a bunch of fifty something adults that don't swallow it very well" he chuckled, shrugging. "Maybe if more teens showed up I would be able to play more around the topic."

"That's total bullshit Richie. You don't even write your own stuff" Eddie said, smiling at him. Richie looked at him surprised.

"How... do you know that?"

"I watched your comedy shows for a while" Eddie shrugged. "I didn't know it was you, of course, but like now that I know it was, those jokes aren't at all your style. You would be ten times more fun if you just let yourself be you."

"Oh you are a scam" Ben said, gasping and making the others laugh. "I can't believe Trashmouth Tozier is actually just a façade."

"Oh shut up, I write some stuff. My boss thinks my jokes are too inappropriate for the public, that's all" Richie rolled his eyes, downing his drink. Billy chuckled.

"I-I bet they are all-all sex related" he teased, poking Richie under the table with his foot. Richie shrugged.

"They might be, they might not be, you guys will never know."

"Well I like your stuff" Eddie said, his voice so soft and honest that made Richie's heart skip ten beats. "Maybe you should get one show for month and just do it... you. No scripts or anything. I bet you would be better than anyone your boss has ever seen."

"Yeah I bet that too" Mike said, smiling at Richie. "You're the group clown, no offense."

"None taken. I kinda miss that dip shit" he said, tilting his head. "You know his asshole clown face left a clown hole in my clown shaped heart."

"Beep beep Richie" Ben said, shaking his head. The table got silent for a moment before Mike sighed.

"Well guys... I didn't call you all here just for the fun and laughs..." he said, his voice turning mysterious, and he looked up, staring at them.

Oh fuck.

\--------------------

"No way, not happening."

"Richie wait!"

"What Eddie? Are you serious?" Richie asked, stopping by the parking lot. "Are you fucking serious?! Are you considering doing what he asked us to do? He's asking us to try to kill ourselves again, just like Billy did twenty fucking seven years ago!"

"Well yes but we are all still here aren't we?" Eddie tried, making Richie raise an eyebrow at him.

"Are you sure we are all still here? I don't know if you noticed an empty chair on the table" he said, coldly, making Eddie wince.

"Stan is..."

"He's dead. He killed himself, we all saw the news" Richie said, walking to Eddie and placing his hands on his shoulders. "I'm not going to have the same fate he, and so many others had. Alright? I'm not up for it. I have a life, I have a job, I have a home, and I don't need this."

"Richie, listen, I know you're scared, we all are, but think about it! We made an oath with our blood, we promised we would be here if it came back. And it did! Richie, it did! If we don't stop it, it will kill and kill and kill more and more and more people in Derry, forever! We promised..."

"I made a promise when I was twelve and stupid as fuck" Richie said, moving away from Eddie and heading for his car. "I made a promise that I never thought I would have to follow through. I don't want to end up dead, I don't want to fight that god damned clown again, and I want Derry to go fuck itself because it deserves all this shit."

"Kids deserve to die for being kids? Is that what you're saying?" Eddie asked, his voice sad and angry at the same time, and Richie sighed, looking back at him. "So Georgie, Betty, and so many more simply deserved to be eaten by that demon thing? Is that it?"

"Don't twist my words" Richie mumbled, but Eddie shook his head.

"I'm not twisting anything, that's exactly what you said" he frowned. "What if it was one of us, hun? Are you saying Stanley deserved to kill himself for this? Are you saying that if any of us got killed that day, that we would have deserved it?"

"Why are you so fucking keen in staying here?" Richie asked, angrily. "Don't you have a job, a wife, a home to go back to?! Don't you have everything you ever wanted?! Why risk it all for this stupid ass town?!"

"My job sucks, my house makes me feel sick, and my wife is a carbon copy of my mother, whom I'm also about to divorce" Eddie said, walking closer to Richie. "I had never felt better than I feel when I'm here, around you guys. You're my friends, you actually care about me, and I fucking missed this Richie. I missed the losers, I missed Derry, and I missed you and our bickering and you fucked up jokes and..." he sighed, his eyes filled up with tears that he rubbed away. "You were my best friend, and I forgot about you. I watched your shows on TV and couldn't recognize you. And your jokes sucked but something pulled me to your program whenever you were airing because in the back of my mind I knew it was you, somehow. And sure, this scenario isn't exactly the best one, we are going after that fucking clown again, but I would rather die doing this with you guys that live a miserable life. So please, please don't leave" he begged, moving closer and sighing. "I know Mike is convincing Billy and Bev is convincing Ben to stay, so I'm doing my part. I need you to stay. I need you here, we need you here, because only together we can do this Rich."

Holy fuck.

Richie leaned back against his car, feeling so much guilt and desperation creeping up on him that he didn't even know what to do with himself. Honestly, after all that speech, he wanted to grab Eddie and kiss him until they were both dying without breath, but that surely wouldn't be the best of options, specially after such a heartfelt moment. And he didn't know what to say either, because the words seemed to die in his throat whenever he thought of an answer. He couldn't say yes, he was terrified, he was freaking out, he hated Pennywise and he hated Derry and he hated everything that came with it, but he couldn't say no. Not to Eddie, not like this. His eyes were wide and sparkling in the parking lot lights and he looked so sad and desperate for Richie to stay, it was almost too much.

But minutes passed and none of them said a thing, so Eddie seemed to get a new idea to convince him to stay.

He closed the distance between them, reached his arms around Richie and pulled him for a tight hug, using his smaller height to press his face onto Richie's shoulder.

"Stay. Please stay" he whispered, his words getting muffled by Richie's shirt. And Richie, well, he was completely frozen. His heart picked up the pace, beating ten million times a minute, his hands shaking and breath quickening, and if that was what Eddie felt when he was having a fake asthma attack, he sure as hell understood why he carried an inhaler around him anywhere. The world seemed to lack oxygen for him to breathe, and it was just so hard to move or think... Eddie was so warm... and small... and he smelled so good...

With a last thought and a sigh of defeat, Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie and pressed his face to his hair, closing his eyes. Fuck. He was so fucking screwed.

"Fine... you win Eds. I'll stay" he mumbled, holding him tighter, smiling when he heard Eddie groaning.

"Don't call me Eds asshole."

\---------------------

He saw him die.

Those god damned lights and their commas and their future visions... fuck, he saw Eddie die!

In his god damned arms!

When he found that he could breathe again, Eddie was on top of him, shaking him, getting him to wake up.

"Richie holy fuck!" he exclaimed, pulling him for a hug and breathing hard. "Fuck I thought you were gone... fuck fuck..."

"Eddie...?" he mumbled, confused, and then the screech Pennywise let out took them out of their trance. They looked back and Eddie got ready to fight, and it was just like what Richie had seen in his coma. He would fight, he would get Pennywise and think he killed it, and then he would be impaled and die in Richie's arms.

He had seen that before.

So when it happened, his heart started hurting and he became desperate.

"Richie! I think I killed it!" Eddie celebrated, kneeling over Richie, and that was his cue. Richie yelled, pushing Eddie to the side and rolling with him, and Pennywise's claw slashed his side but somehow, someway, it didn't hit Eddie at all. It didn’t get to him, he was safe, he wasn't hurt, and the losers came just in time to pull Richie and Eddie out of the house and defeat IT once and for all.

And after they did, they all got to the quarry and fell on the water and it was just like Richie had seen, but this time, Eddie was there and he was alive and laughing his ass off with something Ben had said, and he wasn't crying and being consoled by the rest of the group, but he was watching Eddie with the biggest heart eyes he had, so fucking happy he was alive.

"You know, now would be a great time to confess" Beverly's voice came behind him, and Richie almost jumped, groaning and splashing water on her.

"Don't scare me like that, Beverly!"

"I'm trying to make you stop wasting time, Richie" she said, grinning and poking him on the shoulder. "If you don't do it now, you never will. And you know I'm right."

Richie swallowed thickly and looked at Eddie, who was splashing Bill and avoiding Mike's pushes all together, and he felt a squish in his heart that was way too familiar to the ones he felt twenty years ago.

"You are" he admitted, and looked at her, giving Beverly a sad smile. "And I'm pretty sure I'll never do it. I'm sorry Bev."

Her wide eyes turned sad and she sighed, pulling him for a hug and suffering with him for a while. He felt like crying but didn't, because all of this was his fault anyway. But at least Eddie was alive to see another day, and that would be enough for now.

\----------------------

They were gathering their stuff to leave Derry again, take back their old lives. Before he went, however, Richie had to check out something he hadn't seen in a long, long time.

He told the others he would meet them for dinner before they parted ways, and took his car all the way to the kissing bridge. He stopped near the tunnel and walked to the wooden fence, reading through the old and new carvings all over the place, touching them with a longing he hadn't felt in a very long time.

Then, he stopped, at the obnoxiously large 'R +' in the fence, kneeling down to it and brushing his fingers over it. He slid them to the side, feeling the lightly scrapped 'E' that he never had the courage to carve in his childhood. It was so faded out that no one could see, unless they looked really close. But he knew it was there, he knew what it meant, and only he could feel how much it hurt inside his core.

It was an ugly memory, that he didn't like remembering all that much.

"So this is where you come when you want to run away from us?" a familiar voice made its way into his ears, and he immediately got up, looking back and shrugging when he saw Eddie walking closer to him. "The kissing bridge?"

"Yeah pretty much" Richie shrugged, leaning back against the fence, right where his carving was. "I like it here. There are so many names of so many chicks I fucked here. I think I even carved your mom's name around here somewhere."

"shut up" Eddie rolled his eyes, stopping in front of him, hands in his pockets. "So, what are you hiding behind yourself?"

"Hiding? Really? As if" Richie said, stepping away. If he acted casual about it, Eddie wouldn't really notice. Eddie looked down at the fence and frowned.

"Wow, someone was pretty lonely" he said, some pity in his voice as his hand reached to touch the carved 'R +' in the fence. "They didn't even have a crush to pretend to write next to their initial."

"Yeah, what a loser" Richie chuckled, looking away into the woods, leaning against the fence with his arms crossed over it. Eddie shrugged.

"A loser, maybe, or just scared" Eddie said, getting in the same position as Richie. "I remember when I was young, I wanted to carve my initials here, but I never had the courage. So I just wrote them in papers and burnt it as quickly as I could."

"Why? Was it some of those asshole girls from our school?" Richie asked, looking at Eddie and watching as he chuckled.

"Nah, I would have told you guys if it was" he said, shaking his head. "No, the problem was that I had a crush on a guy. Times may be a little more forgiving now, but at the time, there was no way I could ever carve my initials with his in this fence" he said, looking at Richie and chuckling. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I just... you... you married a girl right?" he asked, surprised out of his mind, and Eddie shrugged.

"Yeah, just like my mom. Like many gay guys did at our times. But now people are more open to that sort of thing and honestly, after all this adventure and almost dying, I don't want to lie to myself anymore" he shrugged. "I want to live my life, you know? Like I deserve it. Like Stanley said in his letter. I want to find someone who I can love and trust for real, and just... grow old with them. No regrets."

"That's... fucking powerful" Richie mumbled, looking out into the woods. His heart was beating a million times per minute in his chest, and he felt his throat tight. "I wish I was half as brave as you are."

"You can be, if you allow yourself to" Eddie said, smiling and tapping his shoulder. "Now I gotta go back, I promised the losers a match of Mortal Combat at Mike's. You can come too, they want you there to beat their asses."

"I... think I'll stay here a bit longer" Richie mumbled, and looked at Eddie. "See you guys later."

"See ya Rich" Eddie smiled, squeezing his shoulder and walking towards his car. He unlocked it and then stopped, turning around again. "Oh and Richie?"

"Yeah?"

"When you're done with your self-acceptance, take me to a nice restaurant, will you? I don't want our first date to be in a shitty ass bar" he said, smiling and waving. "See ya!"

He drove off, leaving Richie completely speechless, before he let out a laugh and rubbed the tears that came to his eyes unrequested. Fuck. His heart felt like and he was still sick of his stomach, but that was fine for now.

Did Eddie just indirectly asked him out?!

Fuck!

\------------------------

"You know, when I told you our first date should be in a nice restaurant, I never thought it would end up like this."

"Are you complaining?"

"Not at fucking all."

Richie hummed in agreement and pressed Eddie against the hotel door, kissing down his neck and pulling his shirt up. Eddie helped him, pulling the shirt up and then removing Richie's coat, before pulling him by his hair and kissing him again, moaning into his mouth and letting him undo his pants and squeeze his ass. Fuck it felt so fucking good, Richie wasn't ready for all of that.

Or for the cheer that came from Beverly outside the hotel room. 'You get it boys!'

Fuck he hated her so much.

He would have to buy flowers and chocolate for her later.

But for now, he would use all the wasted time in Eddie, who was real and alive and kissing him like a horny teenager.

Good, he fucking loved that asshole.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys liked it, I loved it, I love them, fuck that ending.


End file.
